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Rūs
+ Literary Series
How to Chase Your Tail in the Dead of Winter
By Wendy Lewis
March-April, 2008
It’s been a hard winter this year in Minnesota. Everyone around
here says so and we offer these statements to each other as gifts— validation
for the days behind us, and the many still to come. There have been
weeks of sub-zero temperatures and inhumane wind chills, steady snowfalls,
some blizzards and endless weeks of low, grey cover. I looked into
the Rus archives to see what I’d been doing over the last six
Februarys and other than two funerals I recounted in consecutive
years, I’ve consistently written, in aptly torpid prose, the
hallucinogenic state of being awake during this time of year when
the most feral inclination of a midwestern beast would be hibernation.
I imagine hibernation being a state of existence somewhere between
sleeping and death. It’s sort of where Snow White was suspended
until love found her. In the same way, even if you are a person who
enjoys winter sports or depends on winter to make your living, all
Midwesterners are held in this semi-comatose state until spring finds
us. While variety local mammals, birds and reptiles eat a huge meal
in the fall and blissfully crash on their equivalent of a sofa, we
humanoid bipeds are, essentially, sleepwalking all winter long. We
don’t know who we are, what we are doing and should not be
held accountable for any of it, state and federal crimes included.
But, this February I had high hopes for delivering a mind-blowing,
philosophically flourishing treatise on the human/dog vs. human/human
relationship through the dark eye of a nihilistic lens I’d
been employing since the New Year. “Something” had pricked
my consciousness around the holidays and then I did some substantive
reading on “it” and then I had a dream or two and a number
of tangential conversations and a rare, symbolic or synchronistic
occurrence on a walk to the river one morning and knew I had to try
to put “it” into words. I had spent weeks laying out
the groundwork when Lars von Trier’s film Dogville found
its way into my DVD player at 10 AM on a weekday (note to readers:
refrain from ever watching any of von Trier’s work in the morning
on any day). I stumbled, dumbstruck, from the bedroom almost three
hours later and truly had no idea what I was going to do with my
ignited and quickly conflagrant thoughts, since his film had given
credence (his version, of course) to everything I was attempting
to convey in my essay. All I wanted to do was get drunk with my pal
Lars.
There was no way I could write in this over-enlightened state, so
my next move was to sit down and calmly type Dogville into
the Google search engine on my lap top, a cold compress that slowly
warmed to body temperature delivering me into hours and then days
of contiguous research: unearthed thesis papers written on the philosophical
implications of “host and guest”, works by Derrida, Heidegger,
Spivak, including a partial refresh on Nietzsche’s “Thus
Spoke Zarathustra” and entire rereading of “To Build
a Fire” by Jack London, which had made a powerful impact on
me as a child. I was sure I was onto a whole new way to talk about
the flawed, romantically idealized notions of “love” and “loyalty” and
that the nature of humans is as self-preserving as dogs. If we’re
not getting what we need, we simply go in search of another food
bowl. Nothing wrong with that—essentially—other than,
for example, how we humans are far more dangerous than any animal
due in part to the fact that we have written language, which
serves to nullify, glorify and/or justify our actions, no matter
how depraved.
I didn’t want to appear too literal in my grand expose on
human nature, having no official plaques on my wall, so in the “clever”,
artsy rewrite, too many loaded boxcars were added and, as often occurs
with over-generalized, irrationally fueled trains of thought, a fiery
derailment on an weakly engineered bridge soon followed. Boom. Looking
back towards the wreckage below, it was a far better ride than any
cryptic story could ever have recounted. The residuals were enough
for me; it was liberating to have spent almost two months contemplating
the impracticalities of “hope”, the self-serving nature
of “love” and simply embracing the fact that the human
race is not worth counting on. The next morning I woke with a terrible
case of the stomach flu, that unwelcome humbler who has not dropped
in for about twenty years, bringing its perfunctory purge.
But it’s always about what happens next. My inbox delivered
this news: Biodiversity 'doomsday vault' comes to life in Arctic by
Pierre-Henry Deshayes, Sun Feb 24, 1:25 PM ET
LONGYEARBYEN, Norway (AFP)
February 26, 2008 would mark the inauguration day of Noah’s
Ark, the biodiversity vault which has been under construction since
June of 2006 on the remote Norwegian island of Spitsbergen, a mere
620 miles from the North Pole. The vault, under construction since
June of 2006, has “the capacity to hold up to 4.5 million batches
of seeds from all known varieties of the planet's main food crops,
making it possible to re-establish plants if they disappear from
their natural environment or are obliterated by major disasters”.
The location was chosen due to its lack of tectonic activity, its
permafrost (which will aid preservation) and its distance from human
strife. The Norwegian government funded the entire 8.9 million dollar
project.
Mankind’s awareness of its own destructive capacities causes
it to put safeguards in place; global dispossession of weaponry,
controlling nature or behavior modification all being out of the
question, some have the forethought to quietly stockpile humanity’s
most basic necessity to survive an unimaginable future. I sat in
the dark, fumbling with the awkward truth of it all. |
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